20 Things You Didn't Know About Death

One of my very best friends forwarded me a link to 20 facts about death you didn’t know that I had happened to read that morning.


These were the emails following:

_______________________________

From: Alli
To: Elena
Subject: RE: Found this interesting
Date: Wed, 22 Apr 2009 12:01:47 -0700

I read that this morning! I love those kind of things. The eye bugging enzymes were kind of gross but I think the winner for me was the burial shroud for the childless married couple. Ewww!


-A.
_______________________________

From: Elena
Sent: Wednesday, April 22, 2009 1:37 PM
To: Alli
Subject: RE: Found this interesting

omg how about the people that were burried alive! Ahhhh what a nightmare

_______________________________

From: Alli
To: Elena
Subject: RE: Found this interesting
Date: Wed, 22 Apr 2009 13:53:43 -0700

Yes, buried alive would be one of my biggest fears but could you imagine doing the deed on a shroud covered in dead person bacteria and flesh eating enzymes?


-A.
_______________________________


From: Elena
Sent: Wednesday, April 22, 2009 2:01 PM
To: Alli
Subject: RE: Found this interesting

depends on the guy. is he hot?




jk hell no not even if I was drunk and high!

_________________________________

And that…THAT is why I love this girl!

The Newest Addition

The kids have been begging for a new dog or a kitty since Toby was stolen six months or so ago. I have strongly considered a cat but Ruben was extremely fearful for our very expensive furniture. I was more fearful for the little furball. I mean, my kids don’t exactly get that you should hold a kitten nicely. They would much prefer to hold it by its neck as it screams for mercy.
Easter came and went with no new pets in our house and I found myself more than a little bummed by that. I had been hoping to get the kids something to love on beyond the usual plush toys but Ruben stood adamant that it was a bad idea. I begrudgingly opted for gifts that were less of a commitment, like jump ropes and squirt guns.
This morning, the kids and I were watching Saturday morning cartoons and I realized that I was really bugged by having a petless household. I got the kids dressed and out of the house before Ruben was even considering waking up. We drove to the nearest pet store and started shopping.
First there were the dog adoptions. Each of those little mangy mutts was adorable and the kids seemed to adore each of them but a dog is a responsibility I would definitely be fully in charge of and if that dog got stolen, too, I would be so heart broken all over again. Next, there were snakes and lizards, those were a no right off the bat. I will not own a snake. Period. End of sentence. No way. No how. Next there were the gerbils and I just think they are weird so: no. Then were the birds and the idea of squawking all day and night and being bitten while attempting to clean a cage and I was not going for that. We ended up at the back of the store where the fish are and a light bulb went off in my head. A goldfish would be perfect! There’s no walking a goldfish, no squawking, no weirdness, no creepy vibe.
We are now the proud owners of a pet goldfish named Fishy. The kids love it, Ruben is ok with it, and I feel like we have successfully built the perfect little family: a husband, wife, daughter, son, and goldfish. We are complete!

Easter is Near

My kids have been begging me for quite some time now for the "Reaster Bunny" to come to our house and poop eggs full of candy and temporary tattoos all over our lawn. Can I just say, them being more aware of the holidays is one of my least favorite parts of them being in school? Now how and I going to smoothly sneak out and buy the Easter accessories we need? Exactly. I am not. Just like my daughter was hyper aware of Santa shopping to the point that I felt like a criminal the way I snuck around to get gifts.



Anyway...


Today, our downtown association hosted an Easter Egg hunt and pictures with the Easter bunny today, so, of course, at the opportunity to give the kids (and myself) some peace, we went.



For the first time ever, Mateo was the good sport and Lexi was not.





Mateo sat on the Easter Bunny's lap.





Lexi would not.




Mateo got an egg.


Lexi would not even try....


So, here is the best I could do with what I was working with.


On the upside, Lexi totally had the stomach flu this morning but at the thought of getting to see that good ol' Reaster Bunny, she seems to be all better. These fictional icons sure do work wonders.

The Difference Between Moms and Dads

Yesterday was a teacher work day for my kids’ preschool and so I stayed home with them. I booked all their needed doctor and dentist appointments for the morning and then many more activities. We did all the appointments by 10 and then had breakfast, met up with a friend, and headed to the zoo. By noon, we were at Walmart, and then off to the grocery store. I ran the kids around until they were starving and hungry. I brought them home, fed them lunch, and put them down for naps. While they slept, I did 3 loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, and put away all of our purchases. I even managed to get in a little lunch for myself.
I was completely wiped out by the time Ruben got home but he immediately laid down for a nap. A new challenge arose: keeping the kids entertained quietly so daddy could sleep.

When he woke up the kids were so excited to tell him all about their day and the zoo. “Mmhhmm… that’s nice” he would say as he paid attention to anything else.

While I was making dinner, Mateo ran to Ruben and said, “Look Daddy! Look! I’ve got monies!!”
“Good job Mateo…” Ruben trailed off. It was clearly his turn to watch the kids but he was doing everything but that.


“Mateo, can I see your monies?” I asked from the kitchen.
“Yea! Mommy, look!”

Inside a little box he had the ENTIRE contents of Ruben’s wallet. Money, credit cards, Mexican pesos…EVERYTHING.

“Oh, Wow! Mateo! This is great! Can I have your money and cards so I can give them back to the right person?” I asked.

“Sure, sure…its Daddy’s” Mateo said, handing over his prize.

“I thought it might be – I’ll make sure he gets what he needs” I said with a wink and a thought of a swift kick in the butt.

So, I am wondering how long it will take Ruben to put the two together and how far he’s going to get today on an empty wallet because I am not giving those things back to him until he figures it out! Maybe then he will pay attention.

Oh who am I kidding?!? That’s the difference between Moms and Dads!

Potty Training is Really a Poopy Job!

Never did I think my world would be so consumed with the thoughts and worries of someone else’s bodily functions as I am, and yet here I am, writing about it and how my son’s diaper days NEED to be over!

With Lexi it was easy. One day we decided it was time to potty train her and the next day she was in panties and doing great. The girl has had maybe 3 accidents ever.

Mateo on the other hand, is the king of control. This toilet training thing has become a battle of the wills in my house. I ask him to go potty he says no. I offer him a treat, he negotiates for a Halloween basket worth of candy and then changes his mind to up the ante and then he holds more power. The more I offer, the more power he gets but just when I am about to throw my hands in the air and give up, he goes.

We are two weeks into the process of training and Mateo is having one accident almost every day and I am finding myself so frustrated and so bothered by it that I can’t concentrate anywhere. I call his school to check in and hear how many times he’s tried, succeeded, missed…I wait and watch as he withholds bowel movements for days like it’s the most important thing. I am pretty sure the next time he goes number two on his Spiderman potty I will be as shocked and thrilled as if Ed McMahon came to my door with an oversized check.

Truth be told, we only decided to train him to save money. It had nothing to do with freeing the landfills of one less child’s disposable diapers filled with excrements or advancing him to the next level of independence. It was all about the $120 we spend a month on him that we could be saving for something more important like, I don’t know, our mortgage?

So now, I am wondering how long is this process supposed to take? What are the secrets to being successful? How do I get the kid to hold it from 8:30pm to 6:00am? Am I going to lose my mind before this whole thing is over, and how does one accident result in so much dirty clothing?!? Do you know how many socks the kid goes through? I had no idea socks would need changed!

Too good to not!

I just discovered these two little gems on the internet yesterday and I feel the desperate need to share them with you:

The Customer is Not Always Right

Sorry Mom!

Enjoy these nuggets of gold!

Never Bring Plants into the House

Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why:A couple in Sweetwater , Texas , had a lot of potted plants.. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.She let out a very loud scream.The husband (who was taking a shower) ran naked into the living room to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind.He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital. The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man..He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, she dangled her hand in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted and the snake rushed back under the sofa.The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp so badly that he needed stitches.The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat. By now the police had arrived.They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all when the women explained that it all happened over a little green snake. The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of thepolicemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through thewindow into the yard on top of the startled family dog who, jumped out and raced into the street where an oncoming car swerved to avoid the dog and smashed into the parked police car. Meanwhile, the burning drapes were seen by the neighbors who called the fire department.The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area. But they did get the house fire out.Time passed and both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police were issued a new car, and all was right with their world. Several days later the wife and husband were watching television and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night.
The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
That's when he shot her!

I figured we were do for a picture here somewhere. This is a picture of the kids the other night sitting in the yard. Its finally warm enough that we can be outside past 5 pm so, we've been taking full advantage.

I am pretty sure, if I were solar powered, I would have been fully charged at the end of last weekend.

Mateo must be imitating the flash that goes off when a picture is taken.